To us! It’s been five years since we got hitched. Some days it seems much, much longer, other days it seems like just yesterday. We’ve been through so much together, yet there’s many more adventures ahead.
Around this time every year I re-read what we put together for our wedding officiant to read during our ceremony and this year I’ve decided to share the script (all except the nature section, which we ended up taking out because due to dying hemlocks outside we had to move our ceremony indoors two days before the wedding – long story here people).
A good and lasting marriage is first of all a good friendship. The peace and the harmony of the world rests on the peace and harmony of all the small parts of the world. It takes either a bold or a love-struck couple to say “forever” in our society today, but every day a caring and committed couple makes the choice to love, because it is a choice rather than an emotion, their peace radiates like ripples in a pond, and reminds others of what is possible.
Love is one of the highest experiences that we human beings can have, and it can add depth of meaning to our lives. The sensual part of love is one of life’s greatest joys and when this is combined with real friendship, both are infinitely enhanced. The day-to-day companionship – the pleasure in doing things together, or in doing separate things but in delighting to exchange experiences – is a continuous and central part of what two people who love each other can share.
Deep knowledge of another is not something that can be achieved in a short time, and real understanding of the other’s feelings can develop fully only with years of intimacy. This wonderful knowledge of another person grows out of truly caring for the other so much that one wants to understand as completely as possible what the other is feeling.
It is possible to share not only joys and successes, but also the burden of sorrows and failures. To be known in this way is a priceless thing, because such understanding and acceptance makes it easier to live with our problems and worries.
But, while marriage is the intimate sharing of two lives, it can – indeed, it must enhance the differences and individuality of each partner. Matthew and Laura, in loving one another, see the value of one so different from themselves. In many ways, Matthew and Laura, could not be more different people. It is those differences, rather than their similarities, that give them such joy in the other.
We must all learn to celebrate our differences. The inability to let what is different from ourselves exist in the world is one of humankind’s perennial tragedies. It is a sign of great strength, rather than weakness, to let other people be and not interfere with the choices they make.
Matt and Laura are ready to undertake this challenge; they have come to their decision with open hearts and open eyes. Your support of their decision is a blessing on their union.
This is, by design a simple ceremony, because the bond is already made – we are honoring, acknowledging, and celebrating their togetherness and resolve here today. These rings they exchange are simple tokens and symbols – something they will wear to remind themselves and everyone they come into contact with of their commitment to each other.
Matt, do you promise to support and encourage Laura in being the unique woman she is and in pursuing those goals and activities that make life meaningful for her? Will you share her joys and sorrows and support her individuality and help her to maintain her center? Will you be faithful to her and to the essence of your relationship?
MATT: I will (places ring on Laura’s finger)
Laura, do you promise to support and encourage Matt in being the unique man he is, and in pursuing those goals and activities that make life meaningful for him? Will you share his joys and sorrows and be a guardian of his individuality and solitude? Will you be there for him in times of need, and help him maintain his center? Will you be faithful to him and to the essence of your relationship?
LAURA: I will (places ring on Matt’s finger)
May you need one another, but not out of weakness
May you want one another, but not from lack
May you entice and encourage, but not compel one another
May you embrace, but not encircle one another
May you show wisdom and creativity in shaping your lives together, but maintain your individuality
May you be for each other a source of strength, courage, comfort, and a a haven for each other’s vulnerability
May you find the grace and humility of forgiveness when you hurt each other
May you make a loving home where you can share togetherness and be guardians of each other’s solitude
May you have such fulfillment of your mutual affection that you may reach out in love and concern for others, your union adding to the peace and joy of everyone it touches
May you broaden each other’s horizons
And may the light of love always shine in your eyes for each other as it does today, and may your hearts and souls be a home for each other always.
